i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
