you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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