I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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