he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
