So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
