i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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