Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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