I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
