I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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