im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
