drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
