When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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