You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
