She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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