we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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