Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
