I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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