I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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