soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i think my cat just said my name.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
