Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
