Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
