I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
