its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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