Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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