I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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