Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
