i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
