you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're like the curious george of whores
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
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I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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