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I hate your face
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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