i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
