Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
