My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
