we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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