Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
