i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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