Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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