I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
