my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
