I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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