I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
