My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
