haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
