Who did Billy Mays play for?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
