she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
