I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
