the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
