I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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