absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you win again, gameday.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
