i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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