Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
