Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
