Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
