In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
