my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
