Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
