Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
