I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
