u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
