Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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