My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
