so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You pole danced in your parka.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
