I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
