So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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