I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
