Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
false alarm, still single
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
