maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
