K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
