When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You made out with two different species that night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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