meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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