Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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