I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
