i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
