We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
