Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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