Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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