had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
